It's been a very, VERY trying couple of weeks. Something I just didn't think I was going to be able to get out of. To recover from. But, for today, this minute at least, I have a smile on my face.

I drove the two hours to State College yesterday to celebrate the birthday of my friend's late husband. (I stayed for a few hours and then drove back. Got home waayyy past my bedtime!) The first birthday of his since his passing. I dread this day. It's days like that that put me in my downward spiral - those anniversary type of days. Anyway, they had a kind of birthday celebration at the gym. It wasn't about me, at all, but somehow it helped me. To see my friend being so strong, it was admirable. They were all powerlifters. The ones who simply love the sport. There isn't any money or glory in the sport at that level. They work regular jobs, maybe even extra part time jobs, to support their love of this unrewarding sport. Again, simply for the love it. It so reminded me of the days before Mike even turned pro. The late night training sessions after working or traveling, the sacrifice, the blood, sweat and tears. It felt like coming home. People who didn't know me, but they understood. And I understood them. It was perfect and just what I needed.

Then, this morning, I slept in. I'm SO thankful for the coaches that help at CrossFit Gamma. It's been such a blessing to get time off from time to time. It makes me miss the gym all that much more, but it also gives me some 'me' time...even if that means I'm just sleeping, which in this lonely and boring life it typically does. Anyway, today was deadlifting. I F.I.N.A.L.L.Y pulled in the 300s...305 for 1. Not sure if I could have hit another one or two. Not really sure I care. I'm so excited because I know Mike saw it. Oh my gosh, he would have been so excited! I miss him so incredibly much, but I continue to be thankful for the love we shared, the life we shared...days like today I think it might just be enough to last me my lifetime. I hope so.

On the way home I hit a few hiccups that would typically throw me off - an ungrateful person who doesn't give you the 'thank you wave' when you give them the right away, man that pisses me off. The ambulance that I passed. I just will NEVER look at them the same way. The familiar Jeep of an old best friend that I miss so much. All things that upset me way more than they should, but I'm surviving.

So, I live another day. I choose to live another day when some days I doubt my desire for this. Thankful for whatever it was in the past few hours that helped me get back on a better track. Here is hoping I can stay here a little longer this time.