I miss you. Every ounce of my body longs for you. Every fiber aches for you, to have you back, to hear your beautiful laugh or to feel the warmth and protection of your arms around me. On a good day, it's just mental and emotional. However, I swear, on the bad days it becomes physical. It takes everything I have not to cry in public. I know if I just let one tear slip, then I'll be done for. I literally feel pain because I miss you so much.

We did the Color Run over the weekend. It was OK. But, I know you wouldn't have done it with us. Does that mean I shouldn't have done it? Would I have done it if you were here? Probably not if I am being honest. Then, now I feel like I'm doing things differently than if you were here...and I'm not sure I want to. Or, maybe I do because I have to create a new life for me. Just me.

I got sick after the run. Food poisoning I suppose. Thing is, no one was there to hold my hair back. It reminded me of that time I got sick in your truck...like on our 3rd date. Oh dear God, and you still loved me regardless. But this time, you weren't there to take care of me. I'm alone. Without you.

I miss you constantly. Lazy Sundays are no fun. Weekends tend to be the worse because I have too much free time, but yet I need it after the long weeks I have. I've been trying to open up...to let people in...I feel like I get burned constantly. And each time it hurts worse and worse. Haven't I lost enough already? Why does this have to be so hard? As much as I want to find some type of happiness again, I just don't know how many times I can put myself through the pain of being let down.